Alicia

I had to choose between reading the blogs or writing one because my time is limited. Lyd has Clo and I'm over here at moms. Luckily our internet should be up in like five days and I can go back to being obsessed over everyones updates. Anyway I did read a few and Mindi you're killing me. I'm all depressed because it's been all rainy and snowy the past couple of days so I can't take Clo on our uphill superwalk (forget about running - my bladder mearly scoffs at me and my 83 pounds of extra weight tapping on it). When I wake up in the morning, before I workout, I'm like a person that hasn't had their coffee, their prozac or their heroine and it's scary. So I usually spend the rest of the day being a complete hag. Here's Mindi putting poems on here and Meags volunteering at school and I'm figuring out how many hours until my next meal. You guys are great.
Anyway I took Clo to her new nursery class on Sunday. She never has made it through the whole thing without me, but she seemed to be doing ok, so I snuck out. They have these windows so you can see in there, so I slipped out and watched her. It took about 3 seconds before she realized I was gone. She quietly got up, went over to the teacher and patted her on the leg. I could hear her say "where's mom?" The teacher was really cute with her and tried to console her with a doll. She took the doll and turned around with the saddest little face I had ever seen. She was all trying not to cry and her little mouth was moving in and out of a frown. So here I am standing outside, bawling, trying to figure out what in the world I have done to my daughter that she can't function without me. It took me about 5 minutes before I could talk myself into leaving, telling myself that it would be ok. Anyway I was worried all during Relief Society and ended up leaving early. I went back, peeked in the window and she was still standing there with the baby, with the same look. I hurried in and got her and was sick the rest of the day. Ya, I broke her spirit. I brought her home and was crying telling Kev the story. He proceeded to tell me that we are done with kids after this one because I am completely out of my mind when I'm pregnant. Actually he told me that again the other night because I was telling Clo that she had cried enough for the day. She really had. I think she's trying to set a whining/crying record. I've just concluded that either I'm the worst mother ever or the rest of you are just plain amazing. I just keep thinking that the Lord won't give me more than I can handle, but don't anybody plan on more than 2 kids out of me. I really think I'm pretty bad at the whole thing. Anyway, I love all of you and I can't wait to get my own computer! Talk to you later. Love Alicia