Bglife

Wow Satan really has my number. I walk back into the house, after sending the kids out the door to school and Cory to the park for a run, look down at the reflective vest I'm still wearing from an eight mile run I started at five thirty this morning, and think....boy am I a looser. Not just for still having the vest on but also because once again I have yelled at Jackson as he is going out the door to school. True it's because he nailed me, then Harris, then me again in the face with his trumpet case as we are all franticly looking for hazel's boot which is more often than not MIA. Every night I go to bed vowing I will be better and every morning by 8:30 I have already failed. Or at least that is what Satan would have me believe. Forget that I was up three times in the night nursing a sweet baby then up at 5:10 to run. Or that as soon as I walk back in the door I start the batch of bread to get us through the rest of the week. Followed by dishes, waking kids, encouraging a husband in yet another resume and cover letter sent out to a company than will no doubt not even take the time to find out what they are missing by not hiring the most amazing man alive. Then it's off to argue or "discuss" the clothing options for the day with my five year old, cuddle with the baby while helping the other three dress, fix a healthy hot breakfast, make three lunches, sign papers, listen to stories, clean up spilled milk, finish baking bread, find shoes and coats (again "discussing" with my five year old her options),say prayers and get everyone out the door. Now I walk back into my house look at my messy kitchen, hear my sweet baby hanging off my hip just wanting to be nursed, see my reflective vest and think "what a looser".
I sit down to nurse Harris and start to think... I have to stay positive. It's the only thing keeping us afloat right now. Satan YOU ARE WRONG! I'm not a looser. I'm not perfect. I make LOTS of mistakes but the good out weighs the bad if I will slow down and really look at what I have done. We don't know what God has planned for us right now. Cory is looking for jobs everywhere so who knows where we will be. But I do know WHAT we will be and that is a family and a happy family at that! We are so blessed. As the time grows longer without a steady job I wait for the panic to accompany the unknown, but it hasn't come. Because there are things I do know and those are the things that keep me going. Those are the things that matter; I have a Heavenly Father who loves and knows me, I have a hard working loving husband who is endlessly patient with me, I have the five most amazing, beautiful kind children, and a family that is ALWAYS there for me. What more could I ask for? A job? The ability to stop yelling and loosing my temper? A clean house? Now that would just be greedy. Instead I will be grateful for what I do have and the knowledge that I am not a looser just a work in progress.


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