Bavaria

Today has been an emotional day. My thoughts have have been turned toward Pres. Hinckley and his life, his teachings, and his death. It doesn't seem very real yet. I am so happy for him to be able to be reunited with his wife. How sweet that must be. I can't help but wonder what the reception must be like in heaven for our prophet. How beautiful and joyful for so many. Can you imagine being so righteous, serving the Lord with every part of yourself so diligently for so much of your life and then returning to be with Him? It is beyond anything I can even begin to imagine.

President Hinckley has been the prophet for almost my entire marriage. So many of my decisions were made (not enough) with the question in my mind-"What would Pres. Hinckley do?" He has been an amazing example, his teachings have inspired me and encouraged me and, at times, humbled me and prompted me to repent for actions or thoughts that I've had. He has been realistic, loving, and righteous. He has successfully navigated through this world showing love and integrity and hope and happiness and never compromising anything that he stood for. He has been an incredible example of how to live happily and righteously in a world full of so much corruption, so much gray. I know you all know all this. I just want to write it down. Let you all know (since this is my only journal I'm keeping)how much I love our prophet. I know he was a living prophet of God. Following his teachings will only bring happiness and blessings. I will miss him more than I can possibly express.

I have only been able to talk to Mike every five or six days the past few weeks so I've spent more time e-mailing, less time blogging. I thought I would bore you to death by transferring over parts of some of my e-mails.

Jan.22 Tonight is going to be short. Just before I took Ellyn up to bed she wandered into the kitchen and I remembered right as I heard it- a can of peaches I had left on the counter when I was putting away dinner. My floor is now coated in fruit syrup. I have to nurse Sawyer to sleep and go clean up.

I have my work out clothes on so I could run at 3:30, at 5:00, at 8:30. It never happened. I wanted to do it tonight but last night after I got off the computer I realized I would never get ahead today if I didn't get the house cleaned up. I'm trying to do it while Ellyn is asleep or gone. So I stayed up and cleaned but then I couldn't get to sleep. Funny thing is, the house probably needs it more tonight than last night and it is just not going to happen.

Jane had basketball practice tonight and loved it. Her first game is Friday. Sadie loved running around with Devon. Kayla has decided to stay by the way. That is good. Ellyn did really well today. Mrs. Nell said she had a great day at pre-school. Today I helped her peel her own clementine and showed her how her zipper worked a few times. We played together all morning while Sawyer slept. She is a funny kid, such a little puzzle.

The girls and I had a fun afternoon. The night kind of unraveled a bit. It was fine, just trying to finish up homework, clear up dinner, answer the phone several times (my home teacher is coming tomorrow night with his wife and my visiting teacher is coming Thursday), and Sawyer was screaming every time he got set down. I think he was just tired and ready to sleep but there was too much going on. Sadie has the most amazing ability to ignore whatever she doesn't want to do. Good thing she is so cute.


Jan 23-Today was a pretty uneventful day, woke up, got Jane and Sadie off to school, Sawyer back to sleep. I worked out, woke up Ellyn and we showered and got things cleaned up and ate and then mailed mom back her phone and went to the steering committee meeting. From there I came home and cleaned house. It was a sunny day and so when Sadie got home I sent her right out the door to play with Devon in the back yard. Ellyn was going to go out but she was eating a peanut butter and honey sandwich for forever. The Gages from our ward came over to Home Teach and then we ate dinner. Tonight was American Idol. We sort of watched that but Jane was working on homework and Ellyn and Sadie and Sawyer and I were playing. Jane had to put together and demonstrate how to make brownies from scratch for her language arts class tomorrow. Tonight was the practice. It is killing me to have the scent of brownies wafting through the house and not be able to eat any because they are all for her class. Evil.

Jan 26-
Today was very busy, fun, a little stressful. I will write you more about it later, hopefully tonight but Sawyer is really having a hard time for some reason. It's the most upset he's been in a long time.

Okay, Jane has him quiet for now. So I will write until I can' t anymore. We had a huge turnout at our Fasching party, about three times the number of kids that we had this summer. We went through almost all the food. This party was right up Sadie's alley. Ellyn's too actually. There were lots of games like tag and musical chairs and freeze dancing. Sadie and I were dancing at one point and Ellyn was sitting on a chair next to Jane watching and I kept looking over and telling her to come dance with us. All of the sudden she got really excited and got off her chair and ran out and started dancing with us. She came out with me every time after that (it was game, dance, game, dance). She has also really been playing with some of her toys and some of Sawyer's toy too lately- as a side note.

The sun was shining through the windows today and I had to start washing windows and wiping down cupboards while everything that was dirty was brought to light. A very beautiful day, cold though.

I did a color wash in my hair. The kind that I did last time, the one that makes my hair burgundy colored for a long time. It makes me feel younger. Actually, I was kind of happy tonight. I went to Jane's basketball game and then to the coffee and at both places I had someone tell me that I looked great, that I did not look like the mother of four. That made me really feel good. I also had someone ask how I could look so calm and happy with four kids. That probably made me feel even better. Now this time next year, when Sawyer is running around everywhere things could be different. But then his daddy will be here to chase him and I will just watch the game sitting peacefully on the bench.

Jane's team lost by three points in the last two minutes of the game. I guess a few parents were upset because the ref from the other team kept calling fouls on our kids. I didn't keep close enough tabs to know. I was watching but also nursing Sawyer, keeping Sadie a tiny bit sane, playing with Ellyn, and talking to Jasmine. Jane had a couple of good blocks and dodged around another player and caught the ball and passed it off to a team mate. I didn't ever actually catch her dribbling. We'll have to practice that in the cul-d-sac.

The coffee tonight was at Zur Post. I called April as I left the house (Ashley Olsen met me here after the basketball game) and she ordered my food for me so I was able to eat with everyone. April had to leave early to pick Kathi up from the SAS skating party and drop her off at home and then we met up at the movie theater and went to see The Bucket List. It is Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman, two men dying of cancer that are doing everything on their list before they kick the bucket. Good movie, I thought. Kind of sad thinking of Rob. April had told me that she and Jeff decided that they should try to quit smoking in a few months. Freeman's character looks down at his cigarette as he gets the news. I told April that should up the date a bit. Then in the middle of the movie she leans over and says, "while I'm thinking about it, Jeff wants to know if you have a Mormon Bible he can borrow for awhile." Of course I told her yes.

Sorry, I know that is pretty piece-meal and I think some of the dates are mixed up but it gives you a little glimpse. I love you all and I hope you are doing well. We need to put links on here (by the top) for jess and cort's blog, I just need to get over to them. Moni, how are you doing? I love you all.