Heart Attack Henry
Soooo..... Two weeks ago Brind and I were beside ourselves excited as we headed to the doctor's office to find out if we would be having a new baby boy, or a little girl join our family. We brought Violet and Little Brind because we thought that they would have fun seeing the baby on "TV" and being there for the surprise gender reveal. (Violet went to Little Brind's ultrasound and really liked it.) My appointment was at 11, and we arrived at the office at 10:50. I wasn't called in until 11:45!!! Nearly an hour later. The kids were dying! So was I. So we finally get back in that tiny ultrasound office and get all jellied up and we see our baby squirming around. Precious. Immediately Brind says, "I saw a penis! It's a boy!" But the tech dismissed him and said that she hadn't even looked in that area yet. So Brind turned to me and mouths, "I SAW A PENIS!" So the tech is looking around measuring EVERYTHING. She measured his brain alone for half an hour, and mentioned as sort of an afterthought that the baby was indeed, a boy. Brind and I cheered. Violet had a tantrum on the floor saying that the baby was really a girl... that she wanted a SISTER... could we please change it's privates so it could be a girl... and so on. Meanwhile, the measuring of everybody part continued. The tech was now measuring each heart chamber (for an additional 30 minutes), leg bones, spine, EACH FINGER, all while Violet sobbed. The ultrasound was approaching the 2 hour mark and Brind kindly volunteered to take the kids to a nearby restaurant in the hopes that some food would calm them down. About 20 minutes after he left, the tech looked at me with kind of a goofy smile and said, "I am, um, going to get the neonatologist.Totally fine. And um, nothing's wrong!" She may as well have shouted, "SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG!" The neonatologist came in and looked at the baby's brain some more... which really started freaking me out. I'm no doctor, but I know when something is wrong with your brain, it's pretty serious. Finally she said, "I would like to talk to you about something, but not in here with you all covered in jelly." Seriously, freaking out. I sent a text to Brind that something was wrong. I was moved to a little office and when she came back in, drew a picture of the baby's brain on a yellow legal pad. She explained that a average amount of fluid to have around a baby's brain stem is less than .5 ml, and that our baby has .55. Tiny difference, right? Wrong. Then the bomb. The excessive fluid is a marker for Down syndrome. I had no words. She said that a genetic counselor was waiting for me. I asked if I could talk to my husband first (Who was still gone and only had a scary text message to tell him that something was going on). I met brind in the parking lot of the clinic and told him. We both cried and cried. Brind took the kids to LeAnne (THANK YOU!), while I met with the counselor who basically explained what Down syndrome is, and what our options were for testing. (She also gave me a heads up that I was quickly approaching the 24 week cut off for an abortion. Erm, thanks...?) Brind came back and we both headed down to the lab to get my blood drawn for a test that would separate the baby's DNA from mine and then some very smart people would count the 13th, 18th, and specifically - the 21st chromosomes to detect a trisomy, a third wheel in a traditional genetic pair. They said results would come in 7-10 days. SO we headed home to wait. After a week with no answers I was really losing it. I couldn't sleep (which is really saying something). And it was all I could think about. Every second. I really struggled with what to say in my prayers. If he did have Down syndrome, then I don't want to... insult him, and Heavenly Father who was still giving us an otherwise healthy baby boy. So I didn't ask for him not to. Should I ask that he'd be healthy? And ignore the elephant in the womb even though I really didn't want it to be so? LeAnne came over and watched the kids so Brinders and I could go to the temple. (Thanks AGAIN!) As always an amazing experience, and we both had the feeling, that we would be happy whatever the outcome, but it wasn't ungrateful to hope and pray for a healthy baby. While we still waited for answers we got such an incredible HUGE outpouring of love and support from the family. Brind and I originally planned on keeping it to ourselves until we got the results back, but I am SO glad we didn't. I apologize for not responding to any messages, but while we waited, I just had no words, just lots of tears. We read and listened to all of them and felt so comforted that no matter what, this baby would be born into a family that loved him unconditionally. Meagan took me out to lunch and listened to every worry and seemed to say everything that I needed to hear. It was just what I needed. This morning we got the call that our boy has no chromosomal abnormalities. No Down syndrome. It feels selfish to be happy, but I REALLY AM! We desperately wanted him in our family no matter what the outcome... but we are so happy he doesn't have to live with that challenge. We don't know why he has that excess fluid on his brain, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. Thank you thank you for the love! Brind has named him Henry. We'll see. :)
posted by Brind+Julia @ 11:27 PM
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